The end of an era and the beginning of a lifetime

This story begins about 4 years ago, when my husband's oldest daughter, Madeline,  brought her BFF, Darlene, to a Grizzlies' game.  He and I had just begun dating. For me, the baseball game was like being dipped in molten lava.

You see, as the BFF of my then-boyfriend’s anti-dad’s-new-girlfriend daughter, it was Darlene’s duty to support her BFF4EVUR and mimic said BFF4EVUR by pulling faces, rolling eyes and generally being rude to and appalled by dad's hurlfriend girlfriend (*scoff*). Suffice it to say, Darlene was successful.

When next we met, I was an established fact in family life, and as such it was her reformed duty to support her BFF by being polite, if largely silent. Alas, it was her duty to herself that betrayed her in the end; Darlene’s far too nice and conversational (and I'm far too charming and humble) for such ridiculousness to ensue for very long. And as such, within minutes she and I had formed our very own relationship.

Time passed, as it often does in reality, and  my boyfriend and his 3 kids and I and my 3 kids eventually came to live under one roof as one MASSIVE family. Darlene was our family's extension: our weekend child that came over every weekend and stayed all weekend long.

Over the years we (repeatedly) offered up our home to Darlene as a permanent residence and all stability-- and responsibilities--  that came with it.

She declined. She wasn’t ready for our brand of family life, and who could blame her really, what with the glamour of Fresno nightlife tugging at her? Why live where you are subject to rules and regulations when your current situation allows you to stay out late, skip school, go wherever you want whenever you want and crash on friends’ couches?

So after about four months of that, she accepted our 723rd “final offer” to come and live with us through to her high school graduation. She was tired. She needed parents. She craved a family.

Two weeks after Darlene moved in, my then-fiance and I became husband and wife. And Dar stood by our sides, along with the rest of our many biological children, as we made our vows at the altar and legalized our quirky brand of family. And she’s been with us ever since, on every holiday, and every weekend; she’s done chores and homework and faced responsibilities just like the rest of her siblings. She’s grown and matured, and learned to take her education seriously. College soon moved from something other kids did, to a solid part of her future. Succeeding in school—and in life—was now something expected of her, and in turn,  something she came to expect of herself.

But still life wasn’t complete. We could hold her when she cried and be there when she laughed and help her through times of frustration and anger; we could be the parents at school functions and buy clothes and feed her daily; and we could provide a bed in what we told her was her room in her home and her place in the world—but nothing we did or said ever made it feel cemented in forever.

And so when Dar informed us that we could adopt her—that there was such an option as Adult Adoption—there wasn’t much discussion. Moving forward was simply putting into law what was already practiced as fact. Would we, she asked? We were filling out forms before we even finished saying "OF COURSE WE WILL!"

The process took a whopping 2 weeks and not much paperwork. Last Friday morning at 10:00 a.m., we sat down with Judge Glenda S. Allen Hill, and took vows, again with Darlene at our side. Only this time, she was taking them, too.

After about 15 minutes and with our other six children looking on, our family of 9 was forever cemented: Darlene legally became our daughter.

I won’t lie: It does feel different. It feels real now—solid in ways I can’t describe. And I am so happy. It was by far the easiest, smoothest delivery I’ve ever had, with nary the pregnancy weight.