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hErDIng sQUirReLs
30Nov/11Off

The Lottery

I'm operating on less than 4 hours of sleep. Whenever I close my eyes, my mind quickly fills with strained images from the day before.

The look on her face. The door closing. The quick way the words "You've been laid off" were uttered.

It's unreal, the sudden public understanding that what you do-- all you've done-- for an organization are complete non-issues. The days of awards and successes are long past. Nobody there remembers those days anyway.

The cruelty simmers under the surface; I'm a number. A line on a budget. Tears well in my eyes as I think of the kids; the house; college tuitions; survival. The tissue box lays mockingly across the room, forgotten. Try as I might, staring as hard as I can, I can't levitate the freaking box.

Tiny spark of past life lessons flame into memory: Nobody is going to whisper platitudes let alone hand you a tissue. Need something? Take care of it yourself.

The tears threaten and evaporate as the situation is discussed in terms of the lack of my existence; how hard it will be for "the rest of the team" to perform my workload once I've departed. These words are somehow meant to be comforting, as in, you were valuable, you did do important work that the rest of us will now somehow have to manage. NOTE: These are not phrases that should be uttered when letting a person go. Noting how the survivors will suffer by my being hacked does not actually make me feel better. It makes me feel more alone than I can describe.

It makes me feel sorrow and grief for my friends who went before me and suffered under my patronizing, self-victimizing rhetoric. Saying,"I'm next, I know it" didn't make me sound concerned and thoughtful. It made me look like an asshole. I get that now.

The letter, however, is delivered with solemnity. A sort of seriousness bordering on awe.

I don't open the goldenrod, sealed envelope. I go home and hand it to my stunned husband, who is on furlough this week. He reads it.

The letter is addressed to "Theresa." My legal birth name, used only by doctors reading charts and my mother when I'm in really, really big trouble. Fitting.

I feel embarrassed. Like a failure. Like this is the first of a long string of disappointing events my husband shall be forced to witness and suffer through.

Embarrassment brings on anger; anger fades to embarrassment; it's all covered over with humor.

There was a time when I felt valuable. Right now I feel exactly like the protagonist in Shirley Jackson's, "The Lottery." I stood by long enough; my turn for the stoning.

And yet...

The goldenrod envelope, the terms of my severance. The lesson of the tissue. The first lesson of single motherhood.

A new start. Go for what you want. Above all else, survive.

Filed under: Eye-roller 4 Comments




9Nov/11Off

Halloween dessert table

Here's the dessert table I put together for Halloween. A ton of work went into this sucker, and in the end, we only got one blurry pic. :^)

Filed under: food, holidays 1 Comment




9Nov/11Off

Dessert table

A few weeks back I made a dessert table for a friend's baby shower. Can I state flatly how I love that Instagram makes things always look more better?

The whole table

S'more pops up close

Filed under: food 1 Comment




8Nov/11Off

Casseroles come hither

This is just some picture form the internet, btw.

It’s cold weather season– at least after the huge thunderstorm and the 40 degree weather this past weekend, we’re *almost* certain summer is over. And that means a return to the best rib-sticking foods the world has to offer: casseroles. Who doesn’t love a a delicious, mixed up bunch of stuff in a cheesy or creamy or gooey or gravy-like sauce? Who can resist such goodness when the weather turns cold?

And so, it is with much love and only a slight bit of trepidation that I offer you– straight from my mom’s 1979 Holy Spirit Parish church cookbook, the recipe for Phyllis Healy’s Chicken & Rice Casserole:

Chicken & Rice Casserole

1 can cream of celery soup

1 can cream of mushroom soup

1 envelope of onion soup mix

2 cut up fryers (or 6 to 8 chicken breasts)

2 cups raw rice

2 cups white wine

Put the cream soups in the bottom of a 9×13 pan. Sprinkle rice and half of onion soup mix over the cream soups. Place chicken atop rice and sprinkle rest of soup packet. Pour wine over all. Bake at 325 for 2 hours, covered. Serves 6 to 8.





4Nov/11Off

Pinterest: It’s love

pinterest

It’s 1:17 on a Thursday afternoon and thoughts of Friday night’s desserts are floating through my head. More specifically, thoughts of what desserts I should make for the upcoming 50th birthday party dessert table I’m preparing for a friend. Will it be a whoopee pie/cupcake/ cake pop kind-of-thing, or more of a lava cake/tartlet/savory treat type deal? Because I can’t just bring a*one* cake anymore. My obsession won’t allow it.

My interest in the sugar arts started when I was 7. At my BFF’s birthday party, her dad made her a Winnie-the-Pooh cake, shaped exactly like the bear himself. Fast forward a decade and some change to when my little boy had his first birthday, and I made a dinosaur shaped cake. From that point on, I was hooked.

Over the past six years, I’ve especially honed this dessert interest into a hobby. I’ve gone from baking cakes to cookies to cupcakes to cake pops, and this past year, to preparing entire dessert tables. The more I combed the internet and took in other people’s ideas, the more my interests changed and grew. And now, feeding my obsession has gotten even easier. Ladies and gents, I give you Pinterest. Crafters, DIYers and web-surfers who know it, love it; and those who don’t know it, just be aware I’m about to introduce you to virtual heroin. But it may just turn out to be your heroine, given the situation.

Pinterest.com (Pin + Interest = Pinterest) is of the latest of social media sites that takes on the concept of a bulletin board. Say you’re on the web and you see a particularly awesome article you want to bookmark. With Pinterest, you can visually bookmark, or “pin,” that page (or site) to your own personal board. To organize your pins, you can create several different bulletin boards by topic: Food, DIY, Table Centerpieces—whatever your interest, you can create a board.

Example: Let’s say I go to the food blog PinchMySalt.com (love), see a recipe I adore and decide I want to save it for later use. In my previous planning, I would bookmark the page and then promptly forget that it exists. Or print the recipe and hope I don’t lose it.

However, using my Pinterest account, I can pin the blog post to my Recipes board. While pinning I select an image for that post (based on a choice of images that appear on that web page), and that image then becomes a kind of “postcard” or visual representation of her post on my Recipes board. Now every time I go to that Recipes board, I can easily identify the recipe I want based on the image I’ve chosen.

As a visual person, keeping track of blog posts and articles, images and neat internet finds in this way is UNBELIEVABLY helpful. But it gets better.

I am limited in my time and can’t spend all day cruising the ‘net for awesome dessert table ideas. No worries. Going to Pintrest, I can do a quick search on “dessert tables” and see what *other people* have pinned about dessert tables. Scanning their ideas ignites some of my own.

As the holiday season approaches and you need inspiration for gifts, decorations, vacation ideas or to just blow-off some stress, be sure to check Pinterest out. You won’t be sorry.