Happy Get Over Yourself Day: Church Cookbook recipes

I'm  honestly so sick of my own throbbing numbness and waves of grief that I've decided to get off my self-constructed Pity Pot and do something to better this world. And what's better than food? So I rummaged through my mom's old church cookbooks and found a mouthwatering recipe that I think would cheer anybody up: Black Globs. PERFECT name, yes? Practically screams "choke me happy with refreshment."

Black Globs are almost as cheerful as Mr. Happy Doughnut. *almost*.

Black Globs
1/2 c carob powder
1/2 c honey
1/2 c natural peanut butter (Skippy, my ass)
1/2 c sunflower seeds
1/2 c sesame seeds
1/4 c wheat germ (available at all fine wheat germ stores everywhere) 1/4 c soya grits  (uhm what now?)
sweetened coconut crumbs  (WTH is that? Shredded coconut, perhaps? Not a clue.)

Blend everything except the coconut crumbs, into a tar-like substance and form tar  into balls (aka globs). THEN roll in the coconut crumbs. Refrigerate, and apparently keep them refrigerated because the globs are likely to revert to their natural tar-like state.  Amuse yourself by hucking globs from car window when you pick your kid up from school.*

(*No not really.)