Super Bowl Sunday: A license for gluttony

Meal planning when you’re hungry is just setting your diet up for failure. I know because suddenly all the entrees I want to make have cheese in them. Or, on them. Or, should.  Which is to say, I’ve convinced myself that any meal can be enhanced by cheese. It’s fact.

It doesn’t help that all the recipe sites I go to have Super Bowl menus on their homepages, and while I am not a football fan (that’s the one with the checkered ball, right?), I am a HUGE fan of Super Bowl food. Case in point: I have been looking forward to this Sunday’s feast since last October.

And yes, Super Bowl game day IS a feast day, a feast day of extraordinary proportions—referring of course to my greatly expanded proportions the day after. Unlike other more traditional feast days, I like to focus on the inner-part of the supermarket and avoid all the non-packaged, healthy foods at the perimeter. My motto for Super Bowl meal planning: If it’s not cardiac arrest inducing, why serve it?

The first stop in the grocery is, of course, the aisle that includes Velveeta Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product. (NOTE: If you’re committed to eating it, you must refer to it by its proper title.)  Everybody in AMERICA knows that the Velveeta (Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product) salsa dip is a must—AN ABSOLUTE MUST—on your Super Bowl menu. It is a tricky recipe, requiring both the cheese product *and* salsa—and the use of a microwave. Have faith: it is easier than it sounds.

While you’re at the salsa aisle, be sure to pick up at least three jars of salsa. Note that I used the word JARS. Prepackaged salsa made in New York City is just fine. In fact, it’s decidedly un-American to insult salsa of any make or from any region, ever. EVER.

That said, you’ll need one jar for the prepared cheese product dip and two for just regular dipping. Don’t argue.  Just buy three.

Right across the aisle there? Grab some chili. I don’t know, one of those galactic-sized cans. Or two. You can never have too much chili.

Next up: Chips. Chips are a big deal and you don’t want to find yourself on the short-end of deliciousness come halftime. So get many brands; I personally recommend Ruffles (excellent for dip traction), white corn tortilla chips (they’re prettier), Cheetos, pretzels, and Fritos. Now, I personally don’t care for Fritos, but they are essential in the making of Frito boats, by which some people swear.

I  have no allegiance to the Frito Boat, but since chili is on my Super Bowl menu, thought I’d throw it out to you all. (Like the proverbial bone.)

I am, however, a fan of potato skins and chicken wings. Well, I was back when I ate chicken. Now I just suck the sauce off the little suckers and put them back on the plate all sneaky-like.

Oh, and don’t forget the nachos. Or, if you prefer, the Seven-Layer Taco Dip. Or both. And guacamole

Some people are huge fans of the big sandwich on game day. I can see that– big sandwiches can be pretty fun. You know why? Because they’re big. Duh.

Dips are an important part of this menu—a staple. Mix sour cream with various dried soup packets and you’re set.  Mostly. Oh! Be sure to grab some Ranch dressing, because everyone likes Ranch dressing/dip on Super Bowl Sunday. It’s like having stuffing at Thanksgiving. Of course you’ll need the obligatory crudités to go with it. (Don’t kill yourself—some celery and carrots sticks will be just fine. And maybe a can of black olives, you know, to add color.)

And I think that’s it. I haven’t planned a dessert or anything because well… desserts usually don’t have cheese. But I’m sure I can find something.

Happy feasting!

p.s. Beer.

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