My life, as told through Twitter

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You can learn a lot about a person by the way he (or in this case, she) tweets. Which is to say, how he or she microblogs on Twitter.com. Take me (I’m @girlmonkey) for example:

#1: My holiday spirit.

“Why is Christmas such an effort? It would be easier for me to club baby seals than get excited this year. That’s not a euphemism, BTW.”

#2: Gorging myself

“Hey winter! Don’t worry! I’m eating everything I see and everything I think about! Thanks, genetics.”

#3: Aunt Flo

“Gift wrap volunteers needed? ARE YOU F**ING KIDDING ME? Screw this. I’m hunting down some chocolate. Yeah? Well YOUR FACE is PMSing.”

#4: Body image

“My overcoat still fits and all, it’s just I question the fashion statement behind looking like an encased sausage.”

#5: Angst

“”I admire your organization and mental ability to keep it together,” I said from beneath the tears of rage as I lay in the fetal position.”

#6: Parenting

“I’m tired of this crap. You’re beating on your sister AGAIN? For gawd’s sake, use your fists! Have I taught you nothing?
… boys. *sigh*”

#7: Tradition

“Dad could have raised us fluent in Spanish. Instead, I carry on our family tradition by teaching my kids the best covert cuss words EVAR.”

#8: Mythology

“Yes, 6yo, your toes are wiggly. And soon they will fall off & the toe fairy comes & brings you a puppy. Then your permanent toes grow in.”

#9: Self-reflection

“I am EXACTLY like Wonder Woman, only without the invisible jet and the gold bracelets and the curvy body and hair. Also the super powers.”

#10: Never stop learning

“I’d like to say I was paying attention to your presentation but truth is I was more focused on how to secretly pick my nose with my thumb.”

Posted by girlmonkey on Dec 29th, 2009 and filed under Being Awesome, The Latest. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response by filling following comment form or trackback to this entry from your site

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