My life, as told through Twitter

You can learn a lot about a person by the way he (or in this case, she) tweets. Which is to say, how he or she microblogs on Twitter.com. Take me (I'm @herdnsquirrels) for example:

#1: My holiday spirit.

“Why is Christmas such an effort? It would be easier for me to club baby seals than get excited this year. That’s not a euphemism, BTW.”

#2: Gorging myself

“Hey winter! Don't worry! I'm eating everything I see and everything I think about! Thanks, genetics.”

#3: Aunt Flo

“Gift wrap volunteers needed? ARE YOU F**ING KIDDING ME? Screw this. I'm hunting down some chocolate. Yeah? Well YOUR FACE is PMSing.”

#4: Body image

“My overcoat still fits and all, it's just I question the fashion statement behind looking like an encased sausage.”

#5: Angst

“"I admire your organization and mental ability to keep it together," I said from beneath the tears of rage as I lay in the fetal position.”

#6: Parenting

“I'm tired of this crap. You're beating on your sister AGAIN? For gawd's sake, use your fists! Have I taught you nothing?
... boys. *sigh*”

#7: Tradition

“Dad could have raised us fluent in Spanish. Instead, I carry on our family tradition by teaching my kids the best covert cuss words EVAR.”

#8: Mythology

“Yes, 6yo, your toes are wiggly. And soon they will fall off & the toe fairy comes & brings you a puppy. Then your permanent toes grow in.”

#9: Self-reflection

“I am EXACTLY like Wonder Woman, only without the invisible jet and the gold bracelets and the curvy body and hair. Also the super powers.”

#10: Never stop learning

“I'd like to say I was paying attention to your presentation but truth is I was more focused on how to secretly pick my nose with my thumb.”