Comments on: Pay no attention to the mom behind the curtain

By: Meredith

Meredith — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 17:52:00 +0000

I have biological, step and adopted children and have found that I have different feelings for my bio kids than I do for my step AND adopted kids. When we adopted our two children I already had a step-son but in my heart I believed that when these kids became officially mine I would love them as I do my bio kids. I thought not having their mom in the picture as I do with my step-son might make all the difference. It didn’t and it doesn’t still. I have an affinity for my bio kids that is undeniable. Loving my other children is simply more work. Do I wish it was different? Of course I do. I wish I could love them all with ease. But, the truth is I don’t. Once I accepted that fact, embraced it and quit beating myself up about it life moved forward much more smoothly. Hugs to all the Mamas out there. It’s never easy but still wonderful!

By: Gerry Wilson

Gerry Wilson — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 20:43:04 +0000

Right on the money! And thank you for “allowing me” (and validating) to NOT feel the same way my husband does! And, I had his son living with me from 13 – 18. Now he is off to college and doesn’t even acknowledge me (unless, of course, he needs something). I absolutely HATE being a stepmom — I am truly holding the jackets (but, since he lived with me, I also bought the jacket, washed it, ironed it, etc etc!). I had no clue how their mother’s constant “she is NOT your mother” and bad mouthing me would actually override all the good and kind things I did over the years. Helluva rude awakening for me! I hope it changes as they get even older, but I don’t hold out much hope. I just hope that no woman who is madly in love with a man with kids comes to me for advice,. . . .cause mine might be “don’t do it”! I love my husband, but the baggage (I mean kids and ex-wife) is sometimes thoroughly overwhelming……… I think I will show this article to my husband……it is what I have said all along “I didn’t see them take their first steps” etc. etc. – I got 2 teenagers and an ex-wife who had MAJOR insecurity issues, so cannot even accept her kids talking to me, let alone respecting or loving me. Ugh.

By: Melinda

Melinda — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 13:44:54 +0000

I am the biological mother of 3 and the step-mother of 2 – you hit the nail right on the head. I love those 2 as much as I love any of them (differently – but all love is different anyway) – but, I am definitely on the sidelines holding the jackets.

By: Stepmomcoach

Stepmomcoach — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 17:41:12 +0000

Loved your honest and open remarks. Why is it that as a mother, it’s OK to make mistakes and feel like we’re ready to sell these kids we’ve created and yet as a stepmom we feel so powerless and devastated? I’ve told on occasion to my husband that I CAN’T love your kids the way I love my son. It just doesn’t happen that way. It was so hard for him to accept. When I finally got “permission” to be the kind of stepparent I knew I should be, my relationship with my two stepdaughters blossoms to become a great loving and caring one.

By: StepMom Magazine

StepMom Magazine — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:53:16 +0000

So true. All of it. Beautifully written. Eloquently (and amusingly) said. You have an open invitation to submit to the magazine anytime.

By: Life of a Stepmama

Life of a Stepmama — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:50:19 +0000

I was thrown into this stepmotherhood thing without being a bio-mom myself. I went from single gal to moving in with my BF and his 2 1/2 year old son he only sees once a month, major holidays, and then we have him 6 weeks in the summer. He lives 12 hours away from us, so needless to say due to his age we fly to him every month. It is a completely different situation then most step-families and it has it postives and negatives but overall I enjoy being part of a family unit and try not to focus on the fact I am not his real mom. I keep hoping he is young enough that he will think of me as an important part of his life and a bonus mom. Only time will tell. Love your blog, congrats on being the teh Stepmom Spotlight!

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 17:51:37 +0000

I agree. You have a different kind of bond with your bio kids than step kids. It does not mean that you do not love your step kids, but the relationship with your own is different. Successful Parenting