She’s the victim

I have no idea how it happened. I don’t know the lead in, or how they arrived at that fateful moment. Instead, my mind draws pictures using the stories of thousands of girls like her, whose aggressors were nowhere near the public eye. I see the stereotype of a starry-eyed girl, quietly swooning over the handsome man. I see him paying attention to her, making her feel attractive and special. Perhaps they flirted. They definitely drank. In my imagination, she figured out what was happening, her mind becoming a swirling blend of fear and excitement and anxiety and desire.

Perhaps as their lips touched, there was that feeling that something was wrong. Perhaps she pulled away and tried to tell him that things were moving too fast, but he was fixated on his goal. Perhaps she couldn’t move away. Perhaps she said no and kept saying no and he didn’t listen.

But wait. Maybe it didn’t happen like that at all. Maybe it was a set up. Maybe someone placed this delicate child in front of him, and the booze and pills that made her mind go fuzzy and the drugs made him act in a way he never would have otherwise.

In fact, maybe she really wanted to have sex with him—he was the prey, and she forced it to happen.

In any case, what does it matter that he was in his 40s and she was just 13? He’s completely famous. It’s not rape if he's an important person, is it? How can it be rape if she wanted it? And it’s definitely not rape if they were both drinking. Is it?

Nobody knows exactly what happened that night except the victim and her aggressor. But as a mother to four beautiful, wonderful, perfect-in-every-way-imaginable daughters, I don’t care about details. The news of Roman Polanski’s arrest was like a salve on a long-aching burn. For decades I’ve questioned how this fugitive could so publicly tromp through life and still evade justice.

The fact is, a devastating crime was perpetrated upon the body of a young girl, and this man was long overdue in taking responsibility for his horrendous actions.

And all the people that don’t like how his arrest was handled, those who are vocally against his extradition and those who think he has suffered enough: Seriously?? What the hell are you thinking?

Lest anyone is unclear, the statutory definitions of rape in the state of California specifically state that unlawful sexual intercourse has occurred in situations “where the victim is unable to resist because of an intoxicating, narcotic… that the accused has responsibility for administering.” It further states, “any person 21 years of age or older who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor who is under 16 years of age is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony.”

It doesn’t matter if she wanted it, if she begged for it, if she was sober (she was not), if she stalked him, if he felt pressured, if he was set up, if the sky caved in and turned green and aliens landed and...

FACT: She was 13-years-young.
ASSOCIATED GROSS FACT: He was IN HIS FORTIES, admitted to plying her with booze and having sex with her.

She was, by any measure or stretch of the imagination, just a child: some mother’s sweet, emotionally innocent, barely-facing-puberty child. My heart aches for that poor girl, now a woman and mother in her own right, for the pain that this one terrible incident has caused and all that has played out over the years in the media. Her name was made public. She wasn’t even afforded the courtesy of anonymity.

For her sake and those of all who love her, I can only hope that this chapter comes to a swift close.

If you or someone you know has been victimized by sexual assault, visit the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (or RAINN) online. There is free, anonymous chat available 24/7 and the site links to local chapters in cities across the United States.