Little Ms. Phone-y

My husband and I work for the same company, in the same building. My work phone has caller ID. Thus, I always know when he calls.

This leaves ample room for hilarity to ensue.

My favorite jokes, of which I never grow tired:

1) He calls me. I answer with,”Yes, this is Traci Awesome, calling from (company name). I’d like to speak to Stephen Awesome, please. Is he available? Hello? Is Stephen Awesome there? Yes I’d like to speak with…” that goes on awhile. MY JOY: It’s just goofy. Also annoying.... in that I-love-her-so-much-why-did-I-marry-her-again-kind-of-way.

2) He calls me. I answer the phone, doing the heavy-pervert breathing. He’s stopped calling me on speaker phone. MY JOY: It’s old-school ridiculous. (Also, who does that really, like in real life? Besides people in horror movies, I mean?)

3) He calls me. I pick up, but say nothing. I sit there in complete silence. Eventually he becomes aware that I’ve answered the phone, and that he’s been listening to my rapt, silent attention for a good 5 seconds. MY JOY: It’s just so weird, it makes me laugh even thinking about it, about him, all distracted with his computer, waiting for me to pick up, finally discovering the silence and realizing I’m just sitting there, lurking, like that creepy dude in the Jethro Tull song.

4) He calls me. He is in a meeting full of people and needs an answer about a product or project my team is developing. I commence coming on to him, describing how intensely desirable I find him. MY JOY: Listening to him stammer as though he is actually having a reasonable conversation and trying to direct my focus on his issue while 10 people listen in.

The best part: He still calls, after all these years.