Remember Kwame Kilpatrick, the former mayor of Detroit, who was embroiled in a controversy involving textual relations with his then-chief-of-staff? We all had a chortle over textual relations back then, admitting to flirtatious conversations with our spouses. Some of us admitted having our better, deeper conversations with our partners via text. Some of us admitted having concerns our kids—or others—would stumble upon our private adult chats.

None of us thought about our kids having those same chats. With other adults.

The recent controversy involving University High School’s music theory and jazz band teacher is frightening. In fact, it should be way more frightening than we presume.

Conversations with teenagers in my home revealed the following:

•    Various teachers at their schools have regular text message correspondence with students;
•    It is common for some students and teachers to have text/electronic/perceptively interpersonal communications;
•    At one child’s school, a certain male teacher has “all the cell phone numbers of all the (freshman female) students” in his class, and regularly chats with them;
•    Certain teachers provide kind and supportive relationships to students and have exchanged their cell numbers/ e-mail addresses.

My teenagers—every awesome one of them—love their cell phones. They text with wild abandon, at all moments, and in all types of settings. Each is developing the sense of what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior, what are appropriate and inappropriate times to text, and what kind of message their messages send. They are all highly trusting, and conversely, highly suspicious. Yes, they would engage in humorous repartee with an adult via text. No, they would not be able to adequately judge when such humor is crossing the line of inappropriateness. Yes, they would extend the benefit of the doubt to dubious actions, because they still believe much of what is told to them by people of authority, unless that authority figure has somehow proven dubious in the past. They are all still developing their individual abilities to listen to that little voice in each of their heads that screams “eew icky gross bad news stay away from this person.”

As a parent, I view my kids’ abilities to judge their surroundings as age appropriate. They try. They are not correct some of the time, but they are getting better.There are a myriad of life lessons that we parents can teach, and lecture, and try to point out, and believe me, I do it every chance I get. But as we all are aware, many, many behavior lessons delivered to our kids are those learned outside the home and in the surroundings of their peers.

Alas, each child is an individual. You can lay the foundation, you can give the information, you can do all within your power to convey its importance, but only they can choose whether or not they are going to drink the water.

Here’s a test for parents: Ask your kids what “Two Girls One Cup” is. Ask if they have been sent an MMS called, “Ruining your day.”  Or, “Lemon party.” (All involve highly inappropriate content for young adults. Think “pornography,” and in some cases, “extreme pornography.”) If your kids know about them,  chances are they have seen them or their friends have. Huge neon sign: TALK TO YOUR KIDS about how they use their cell phones. Ask who they text. Ask if their teachers have their cell phone numbers. And go through their address books.

What you learn may shock you, and may help you understand the level of guidelines that need to be established—or extended.