This Halloween: Don’t be a Halloweiner. Be a HalloWINNER

Halloween will soon be on your doorstep. Both figuratively and literally. So while that statement is still the former, now is the perfect time to start thinking about your costume design.

Yes, I said YOUR costume.

When Generation X stepped over the parenting threshold, Halloween parties moved beyond the classroom and into our living rooms. And most require costumes. Before you know it, it'll be October 29 and you'll be scrambling to look good, in that creative-funny-clever-beautiful- and-not-too-fat sort of way. Might as well start now. (Put down the mayonnaise.)

So what are you wearing? Sure, you can drop a load of cash at a Halloween store for a flimsy, pre-made costume, or you can get clever now, save a mint and build your own.

I’ll even do some of the legwork for you. Here are a few ideas, complete with construction details:

1) Down-on-your-luck Superhero: Even a superhero would have a tough time making it in this economy. All you need is a t-shirt with a poorly scrawled superhero logo, and a battered cape made of an old sheet or towel. For enhanced effect, get a little tempura paint, paint your car tire treads and drive over the costume. Paint your face to look dirty/bruised. Rat your hair. Carry a sign that says, “Will Save World for Food.”

Modification: Down-on-your-luck Mom: Nix superhero costume, replace with apron. Darken-in circles under your eyes. Carry a sign that says, “Will Clean Kitchen/Shuttle Kids for Spa Day.”

2) Mod Girl: Put on that sexy, little black cocktail dress you used to wear back before you had kids. Style your hair in a bouffant.
Give yourself dramatic eyes.
Put on your heels and you’re set.

3) Doomsayer: Cheapest of all. Create a sandwich board sign proclaiming that the end of the world is near. Or really, proclaim anything at all. Get creative, like these people.

4) 1980s Revisited: Got your old prom dress? How about an old bridesmaid dress? How about just ravaging your closet for anything reminiscent of the greatest decade? Think huge bows, fingerless lace gloves, ankle boots, spandex, animal-skin prints, neon and hair product. LOTS of hair product. Here are a few ideas.

5) Tourist: Camera, shorts, Hawaiian shirt, obnoxious behavior. Easy peasy.

And now, for something REALLY clever…

Our tanked economy: Create a cardboard-sign necklace of an EKG-like graph that looks like this. Get really drunk, swigging directly from a large bottle of alcohol which you carry with you the whole night. Occasionally weep inconsolably. It’ll be funny. Really.

The CA Budget: Re-cover several phone books with plain, white paper and write “California Budget” on them. Carry them with you all night. Act needy and clingy, but eventually end up sitting lamely in a corner. People will naturally ignore you.

Reminder: Goodwill and other thrift stores provide an excellent, economical source for costumery.