My 12-year old niece has been recently converted to e-mail-ism, as can be seen by the recent spate of chain mail in my inbox. The contents of this particular e-mail are so completely 12, I had to share. From, “GIRLS ONLY! BOYS: DON’T READ!” I have learned the following:

• “Did you know kissing is healthy?”

Aaaaand I am immediately suspicious that a boy has crafted this e-mail. It continues:

• “Bananas are good for cramps” (Well, yeah—LEG cramps. Not so sure about menstrual.)

• “It's good to cry” (True.)

• “Chicken soup actually makes you feel better” (Yes, especially when you are hungry.)

• “94% of boys would love it if you sent them flowers”

I stop reading. I think of our two 12-year old boys at home, and can only surmise that this is the most fallacious statement ever. Boy one, who likes girls and admits to having the occasional crush, would be mortified and cease making eye-contact. With anyone. Almost ever again. Boy two, who covers his face at pantyhose commercials and during kissing scenes, would likely curl up and die of mortification. Literally.So I put the question to the male Twitterati (those who twitter) to gauge the correctness of this flower assertion.

Responses:

“You're kidding right? At 12, 94% of boy's would rather girls just went back to the flower factory that made them.”

“False. A 12yo girl sending me flowers would not look good if the wife (or police) found out.”

“Undeniably false-WTF would we do with the flowers? It’s not like we have a vase to put them in... madness!”

... and

“True. Women do bring me flowers, and I do like it.”

Hm. From my end, I envision scores of hormonally overzealous 12-year old girls now sending flowers by the dozens to all their possible love interests. The vision changes with the memory of flowers costs, to the same girls picking them and sending their BFFs over to deliver them. Roots and all.

Other nubbins of chain-mail wisdom:

• “Lying is actually unhealthy” (Good point, there.)

• “Only apply mascara to your top lashes” (Hm.)

• “It's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you!”

*RRRR SCREETCHING TO A HALT*

Aha. This is where it starts. The little lies we women tell each other, and tell ourselves. The little bricks we lay in the morality walls that will stay standing and ultimately guide our actions as adults.

I ponder... is it reasonable to tell a girl not to be offended/crushed when the boy she likes insults her? Is it really better to give her that shred of hope that this blurb offers?

Or... as I fear... are we inadvertently training her for later in life, for when her abusive boyfriend calls her an idiot, swears at her and punches the wall... are we training her to just remember he’s doing it because he "likes" her?

Eew.

Is it not better to tell her that if a boy insults her, it is because he is small minded and not worthy of her affections? That she would do better to turn her attention to the scrawny boy with glasses who is shy, but really good in science and math?

Alas, I digress. More nubbins of wisdom:

• “It’s impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed!” (Patently false.)
  

• “89% of guys want YOU to make the 1st move” (A boy DEFINITELY wrote this e-mail.)

• “Chocolate will make you feel better!” (This is FACT! FACT I TELL YOU!!)

• “Most boys think its cute when you say the wrong thing.” (Clearly it depends on the thing. Calling him the name of your previous boyfriend: Not so cute.)

• “A GOOD FRIEND NEVER JUDGES.” (Unless she actually works as a judge.)

• “Boys aren't worth your tears” (Pretty sure a mom wrote that one.)

• “We ALL love surprises!!” (Clearly the 12 year old wrote that. Because as a parent, any surprise from my kids that contain the phrases, “I’m pregnant,” or “I crashed the car,” are not lovable.)