Stop staring.

You sit there, pretending to ignore me, but I can hear what you're thinking. "Oooh, looka me-- I'm too special to ride. Ooohh, apparently I'm just meant to catch dust-- wouldn't want to get me dirty out there on the actual ROAD."

You act all snotty and disengaged, but I know what's in your heart. You're calling me out, sister. With every pass I make, to the bathroom, back to the kitchen (just you nevermind what I'm eating!)-- anytime I'm in the same room with you even for a SECOND you practically scream, "WHEN FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD WILL YOU TAKE ME OUT?!"

The sad answer is, I don't know, Blue. I do not know. Maybe tomorrow. Probably Sunday. But whenever it is, just know this: When we finally hit that long stretch of highway, I will be sorry, baby; sorry beyond belief that it took so freakin' long to get my ass back out there. I'll be sorry for you. Sorry for me. Oh, GAWD, will I be sorry for me. Doesn't matter. Apologies mean nothing; you'll still punish me anyway.

NOTE TO SELF: Regardless of how busy you SAY you are, what counts is that you find the time to get your ass in the seat and the bike on the road. Cuz now that ass is going to be the proverbial grass.

Something you should know about your daughter

First published in May, 2004, the Her Life Depends On It report, "is a comprehensive compendium of research that points to physical activity and sport as fundamental solutions for many of the serious health and social problems faced by American girls."

From the report's executive summary:

"Obesity: In 1970, only one out of every 21 girls was obese or overweight; today that figure is one in six.
--(National Center for Health Statistics, 2002)"

"Tobacco Use: In grades 9-12, 29.5% of female students report current tobacco use (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2002)."

"Female athletes on one or two school or community sports teams were significantly less likely to smoke regularly than female non-athletes. Girls on three or more teams were even less likely to smoke regularly (Melnick et al, 2001)."

"Illicit Drug Use: Thirty-eight percent of 12th-grade girls and 18% of eighth-grade girls have used an illicit drug at least once during the past year (Johnston, O’Malley and Bachman 2002)."

"Two nationwide studies found that female school or community athletes were significantly less likely to use marijuana, cocaine or most other illicit drugs, although they were no less likely to use crack or inhalants. This protective effect of sports was especially true for white girls (Miller et al, 2000; Pate et al, 2000)."

"Sexual Risk: About 1/4 of sexually active adolescents are infected with a sexually transmitted disease each year (Kirby, 2001)."

"Female athletes are less likely to be sexually active, in part because they tend to be more concerned about getting pregnant than female non-athletes (Dodge & Jaccard, 2002)."

"Depression: By age 15, girls are twice as likely as boys to have experienced a major depressive episode. This gender gap continues for the next 35 to 40 years, until menopause (Cyranowski et al, 2000)."

"Women and girls who participate in regular exercise suffer lower rates of depression (Nicoloff and Schwenk, 1995; Page and Tucker, 1994)"

Ultra anyone?

Last month's Outside Magazine covered the ongoing publicity battle between unltrarunners Peg Reed and Dean Karnazes. For a vast majority of people (at least, those who hadn't seen the Dateline piece), this was an introduction to the little-known sport of ultramarathoning.

Defined by grueling distances and sometimes extreme conditions (the Badwater Ultramarathon leaps to mind-- a 135-mile race from the salt flats of Death Valley to a finish line that lies halfway up Mount Whitney), ultramarathoners prepare by keeping up with a constant training schedule that borders on the insane. Reed, for example, runs a marathon or more a day; she just breaks it up into 5 mile chunks between shuttling children to school and after-school activities. Karnazes is an early riser, covering half of San Francisco and finding himself well into Marin by dawn.

Truth be told, the thought of running a hundred-plus miles could not appeal to me less. In fact, the thought of running ten miles addles my already-overwrought brain. And yet, before I question another athlete's motives, I take pause and consider what does appeal to me. Cycling a hundred miles? Over and over? Day after day? Oddly, I am intrigued.

We all take on sports for different reasons, but in the end, what keeps many of us connected is the challenge: some perceived, intangible, self-defined goal. Once it is achieved, once the goal is realized and becomes tangible, those that are serious about their sport-- or, perhaps, delusional-- extend the goal. Thus begins the insanity.

I am reminded of that Robin Williams bit where he is pretending to be a dictator, draws an imaginary line a few feet in front of himself, saying, "This is the line of death! Cross this line and you die!" Noting his foe, Williams pauses nervously, and takes a large step backward and redraws the line closer to himself. "No, NO--THIS," he declares,"THIS is the line of death. Cross THIS line and you die!" And so goes the bit.

And so, I imagine, goes ultramarathoning, and yes, ultracyling, and until recently, being a Red Sox fan.

Being a total badass just got easier

You just rode the most amazing route, it was beautiful and you pushed yourself further than you've ever gone before. You think it must be at least twice the distance of your normal route... maybe a little less. Maybe! You just don't know! You want to just say it was twice your normal route, but that niggling little voice in your head is driving you batty, making you fear you're deluding yourself. So what do you do?

You could drive the route. Waste gas. Spend unneccesary energy and time figuring out this one little nubbin of knowledge for your own edification...

OR...

GO TO the gmaps pedometer!!! This incredible little application was made specifically for that very question-- how far did I push it?

Using the Google maps API software and satellite technology, this map gives you the answers you crave all the way down to the nth degree.

Go, badass, on your merry way and be free to brag unfettered!

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